When I talk to women who are struggling with their fertility, a common theme that comes up is their level of stress and the complete lack of boundaries in their life.
It is well recognised that fertility problems can be related to increased stress and one of the many causes of stress is feeling overwhelmed by how much you need to do. This can then feel like it’s so all-encompassing that the thought of creating boundaries and knowing where to start just feels like a step too far.
Lack of setting boundaries comes from a desire to get things done. This is not a bad thing; in fact, it’s a commendable quality and should be acknowledged and celebrated. The problems start to increase when that overwhelming desire or feeling of obligation to get things done allows the cause of stress to filter into all areas of your life.
Work is a common cause of stress. The women that I talk to are focused and conscientious and commit to getting the job done and supporting those around them to enable them to do the same. The problems arise when there is no cut-off time to stop working or allowing themselves to focus on one job at a time.
Common stories that I hear are:
- Continuing to answer work emails or continuing to work late into the evening
- Attending meetings with colleagues overseas who are still in their working day whilst the time difference means that you most definitely aren’t in yours
- Constantly stopping what you’re doing to answer emails and messages from colleagues enabling them to continue with their work whilst you are constantly interrupted with yours
- Working on your day off (particularly common amongst those who work part-time)
Deadlines, short staffing, guilt, increased demands on your time and no sign of it reducing any time soon will only add to stress levels.
So where do you start when you’re ready to start or grow your family and stress and tiredness seem to be pushing your dream further and further away?
Do you ever use the phrase ‘when I’ve got time’? Well, unless you create the time to do something it probably won’t happen. Boundaries come under the same rule of thumb. Expecting boundaries to create themselves, unless it’s a situation that is forced upon you, just won’t happen.
Start with something that feels manageable and realistic; there is no point saying to yourself that you will finish work by 5pm every day when you know that it will never happen.
Setting small boundaries that are manageable can be far more achievable than setting bigger boundaries that you struggle to maintain.
If you’re wondering where to start, here are 5 easy and simple boundary examples to help you manage your stress:
- I will stop looking at my work emails after 7pm
- I will finish work by 6pm 2 days per week
- I will block out time during the day to completely focus on a task without interruption
- I will take a lunch break every day and give myself time away from my desk (or equivalent)
- If you’re part time, add your work days to your signature on emails so that colleagues know when you’re available and when you’re not at work.
When you experience problems with fertility, looking at your overall wellbeing is a good place to start. Increased stress can lead to tiredness, reduced libido (not ideal when it comes to conception!), headaches or dizziness, muscle tension or pain, stomach problems and chest pain or a faster heartbeat.
Learning to manage and reduce your stress will help to reverse the symptoms and create time and space to focus on what you really want to have in your life. Take the first step and create a manageable, achievable and realistic boundary for yourself today.
If you’d like more information on working with fertility problems, take a look here